Mistaken
by darkdancer
Summary: Ah. mistakes, they make things so awkward for poor Van and Lendel. No killing of my lendel! I'll fix it. Used to be 9 chapters, now 3. Why? cause I reread it and went, wow, I hate from chapter 4 on. So I deleted them. I might replace them.
1. Crossed signals

You might think you know me

But you're mistaken

You might think I don't care

But you're mistaken

You might think you understand

But you're mistaken

So beautiful. Van wanted to touch him, to run his fingers over that face, through that golden hair, to run his hands over Tylendel's chest, to hear him moan as the girls always had. What would it be like to be enveloped in Tylendel's arms? Van wanted desperately to know. He couldn't understand– how? How could they ever– It wasn't like with girls, that he understood, even if it didn't interest him. But this– no, this he didn't understand. The burning sensation he got when he thought of Tylendel, of what it would be like to be the recipiant of his kisses, to spend the night with him, entwined together in love—. But he couldn't- he daren't trust him. He couldn't trust anyone. No matter what his treacherous heart was demanding.

****

Tylendel was aware of eyes on him. He looked up, to see Vanyel turn away. Cocking his head he regarded the back of the boy who had plagued his dreams since his arrival. Cold, haughty, talented and beautiful, Vanyel had girls swarming around him. Tylendel had promised Savil he wouldn't fall in love with him. That was easy, his vain manner didn't invite such emotions. But he could not help lusting after him. And sometimes, deep in his heart he hoped it was an act, that Vanyel was protecting himself by keeping everyone at arms length. But how likely was that?

****

Vanyel was tired. Reaching for his history book he knocked the entire stack to the floor. Sighing he knelt and began to gather up his books. To his surprise Tylendel knelt and began to help him. Simultaneously they reached for a book on Rethwellan and their hands brushed. Tylendel's hands were warm and smooth, they sent tingles along his arm, and down his body. Hurriedly he jumped back, jerking his hand back with a hurried "Thank you." He fled to his room. Oh damn. Oh DAMN. The fire- the longing. When he touched Tylendel. A quick brush, nothing much. But it had left him trembling with desire. Gods. What was he going to do?

****

Tylendel was shocked. Why had Vanyel reacted so badly to a casual touch? He must have found out about Tylendel's — preferences. Some people got wierded out by such things. He sighed. He should have known. Why had he even bothered to hope? Why had he bothered to dream that Vanyel could ever care for him?

****

Vanyel was curled up on his bed sobbing, shaking, fast asleep.

_ Mocking laughter. "Can you believe he ever thought I would be interested in a useless brat like him?" A familiar voice sneered. It was Tylendel, and he was talking about Van. He felt his heart lurch. No– no it couldn't be true, Tylendel couldn't really think of him like that. With a strangled cry Vanyel whirled and ran. He had to get away, had to escape the ridicule, the humiliation, the heartache. _

_Ice._ _A frozen plain. Blinded by tears he ran through it, heedless of the razor sharp pieces of ice that tore at his clothing, ripped through his skin. A trail of blood marked his path. He sank to the ground. Unable to run farther. And the snow covered him._


	2. Eavesdropping is BAD

You think I don't hurt

But you're mistaken

You think I don't see

But you're mistaken

You think I don't know

But you're mistaken

"Tylendel?"

"Hmmm?"

Savil sat next to her student. "I'd like to ask your advice."

"What about?"

"Vanyel."

Tylendel sighed, "What is it now?"

"His history teacher says he's been skipping class, and I'm trying to come up with an appropriate deterriant."

Tylendel shook his head, "I'm tempted to tell you to wallop him, maybe deflate that bloody ego of his."

"Do you really think that's a good idea?" Savil asked skeptically.

"No, not really." He sighed. "It's just he can be so infuriating sometimes."

"I know what you mean."

"Plus I think he might be prejudiced against Shay'a'chern."

"What makes you say that?"

"Just the way he reacts to me sometimes. It's nothing, it's just– sometimes I worry about him, but I'm afraid to approach to him, he might react badly."

"Worried about him? Why?"

"Well, have you ever wondered if it's just a pretense? Some people have used coldness to keep from being hurt."

"Unlikely, what in his life could inspire him to create such a pretense?"

"True. It's just that sometimes I get this feeling– but then maybe it's just my hormones running away with me. They've been known to cloud people's judgement before."

"Take care, and remember—"

"Don't fall in love with him, I know, I can't help be attracted though Savil, I'm only human."

"True, just– be careful."

"I will."

****

Vanyel crept onto his room. He'd been skipping History lately. He dreaded what Aunt would do when she caught him. And she would catch him. He was just contemplating sneaking to the kitchen and skipping dinner when he heard his name. Pressing his ear to his bedroom door he unabashedly eavesdropped.

"His history teacher says he's been skipping class, and I'm trying to come up with an appropriate deterrent."

Tylendel's voice responded, in a tone Vanyel had never heard before. "I'm tempted to tell you to wallop him, maybe deflate that bloody ego of his."

Hurriedly Vanyel jerked his ear away from the door. He'd heard enough. Unconsciously he crossed his arms over his chest. He should have known. He should have known. Tylendel hated him. Of course he did. Tylendel thought he was a spoiled brat. Of course he did. They all did. Why had he hoped Tylendel could– care for him? No one could. Except for Lissa, and she was special. No one could love him because things like that didn't happen to him. Vanyel Ashkevron didn't get people who cared about him. He got people who admired his looks, and stabbed him in the back any chance they got. He wasn't good enough to care about. He wasn't good enough for Father. He wasn't good enough for his cousins. He wasn't good enough for Tylendel.

Sobs wracked his body. He couldn't control them. Couldn't make the hurt go away. He'd allowed a crack to form in the ice. And now he hurt. Unbearably so. No more he couldn't– no more cracks. No more daydreaming about kind-hearted blonds. He should have remembered. If you let them in they'll hurt you. He should have remembered. He wished he could make the hurt go away. A way to make it all stop. So he could. Maybe– maybe there _was_ a way.


	3. Van's still wallowing, which can lead to...

You think you know

But you're mistaken

You think it's simple

But you're mistaken

You think I don't love you

But you're mistaken

Once again Vanyel wished he could just end it all– But he couldn't take pain. And what if he did it wrong? No, suicide was to risky. There had to be another option. Had to be another way to keep himself from getting hurt again. If only he could live with only Star for company. She'd never hurt him. Blindly blinking back tears he noticed a bottle of wine in front of him. He detested the stuff. But– it might just dull the pain in his heart. Not eliminate it. What could eliminate the pain of Tylendel's contempt for him? Throwing his head back he drank deeply from the bottle.

****

_"Vanyel?"_ _Tylendel looked_ _worried. "Vanyel-ashke, listen to me. Don't leave me. Please, I'm not strong enough to go on without you."_

_ What was he talking about? And what had he called him? Ashke? What did that mean?_

_ Tylendel hovered over him, handsome face concerned. "Hold on love, I'm here now,"_

_ Suddenly he faded, and was replaced by the face of an older man, long silver hair and feathers in his hair. "Vanyel, wingbrother, don't give in. Don't let it possess you. Don't leave us." Who was he? What was he talking about? Suddenly he was floating, swimming in a sea of sapphire blue :don't fear your emotions Vanyel, don't hide, you're destroying the most precious thing about you:_

_****_

Whoa, talk about a weird dream. With a sigh he glared at the wine bottle. Lot of good _that_ had done, giving him both a hangover and making him dream about Tylendel. He chocked back a sob at the thought of the other boy. Damn, he wanted to forget him, to not care how he felt. But he couldn't. And what was with all the bad advice? 'Don't leave us,' people only said that about death, what was so bad about death? Didn't people realize how peaceful death was? 'Don't fear your emotions? Don't hide?' Oh yes, that was a wonderful idea. Just expose yourself and let everyone cut you to pieces. Lovely. Nope. No more alcohol for Vanyel. Obviously that stuff messed with your mind.

****

"I'm very disappointed with you, skipping class. Your father sent you here to get an education, and that's what you're going to get! What were you thinking? Why did you skip class? What did you have to do that you couldn't do in your spare time?"

"Just go ahead and punish me already." Vanyel told her in a bored voice. Damn would anyone in his life not lecture him? Well, see how much he cared, nope, no more caring for Vanyel.

Savil was furious, "Oh? Think quickly, why did you skip class? I'll tell you your punishment when you answer my question."

Vanyel shrugged, "Didn't feel like going." Like I'm going to tell you, no, even if you were Lissa, how do I explain I was sitting in the garden daydreaming about Tylendel and completely forgot about class? No more though, I won't let emotion weaken me.

"Ah, is that all? Well for the next month you won't 'feel' like going anywhere other than class." That'll wipe the smug expression off his face Savil thought to herself.

"Sure, can I go to my room now Aunt?"

"Go ahead." Her voice was terse as she suppressed her anger. But Vanyel seemed not to notice as he turned and strode towards his room. Tylendel rushed out of his room, late for a class, and smacked right into him. They fell together, Tylendel on top.

"Sorry!" He gasped immediately, scrambling up and offering a hand to Vanyel who, ignoring it, rose gracefully to his feet, "No problem" he assured him calmly, and entered his room.

Savil shook her head at the unconscious flash of pain in Tylendel's eyes when Vanyel ignored his hand. How could the boy be so cold?


End file.
